When I work with overthinkers, one of the questions I love to ask is “What are the benefits you get from it”?
The question often gets met with a pause and sometimes a perplexed look. I don’t ask it to discount the suffering that inevitably accompanies being an overthinker. I ask it because it helps to shift perspective. We do not engage in behavior that doesn’t benefit us in some way.
We rarely think of things we don’t like in terms of what the benefits are. We also associate the word “benefits” with positive things.
But when I ask the question, I’m looking at benefits in a different way. Check out 3 common benefits to overthinking I see often with my clients:
Benefit #1 of Overthinking: Avoiding making a decision
The more analysis we do, the more analysis we can find to do. We can get caught up in thinking for thinking’s sake. When we are trying to make a decision, for example, we can go down all the rabbit holes and what-if’s. If we choose decision A, then these are the possible outcomes. If we choose decision B, then these are the possible outcomes. Let me cut to chase here. There will ALWAYS be more possible outcomes than you could ever think of. So when you’re down the rabbit hole, ask yourself…is this helping me make a decision or this helping me avoid making a decision?
Benefit #2 of Overthinking: Avoiding feeling the really deep stuff
When we focus on our thoughts, we’re missing the feelings that drive them. Thoughts don’t just come out of nowhere. They’re often associated with underlying emotions and core beliefs. While overthinking often doesn’t feel good, it may feel better than owning the pain, hurt, and fear we feel from beliefs of not being good enough or not feeling worthy. One misconception I help clients navigate is “if I start to feel this, I may never stop feeling it”. It is impossible to feel the same way forever. There I said it. Feelings are meant to be acknowledged and felt. Once they are, they pass.
Benefit #3 of Overthinking: Avoiding taking responsibility
This one might sting a little…when we get stuck in the overthinking cycle, we get to feel confused, lack of clarity, and overwhelmed. Sadly, this is a very “normal” place for many people to be. It’s comfortable. Not comfortable in that it feels good, but comfortable in that we know it, it’s familiar. It’s also a place that lets us take a break from responsibility. Overthinkers can feel the weight of the world on their shoulders with responsibilities involving work, home, family, health, finances, etc. When we’re overthinking, we may miss out on “taking care of business” in the ways we really want to. It literally gives us a break that we may desperately need but don’t know how to take.
Looking at the benefits of overthinking is a great way to gain some perspective. It’s not about blaming yourself, but rather seeing that there’s more to the picture.
To learn more about Overthinking, check out these other articles: 3 Signs You’re an Overthinker, 3 Costs of Overthinking, and 5 Steps to Overcome Overthinking.
If you’re a woman in Arizona and want support overcoming you’re overthinking, check out the Overthinkers Group for Women.
