The build-up to the holiday season can be intense and stressful. We may brace ourselves for interactions with family members, increased demands on our time, and expectations that are often unrealistic. But surviving the holidays doesn’t end on January 1st. There’s often a period of time afterwards that provides a great opportunity to manage post-holiday disappointment.
What is Post-Holiday Disappointment
After the holidays, we may start looking forward to the new year, setting new goals and the bright, new shiny-ness of it all. But it’s important to wrap up any unresolved sadness, fears, resentments, or disappointments you have about what didn’t go as planned or expected – or what was outright unnerving. Anything you are hanging onto after the holidays that makes it difficult to move forward is what I lump into the post-holiday disappointment category. It could be missed opportunities, harsh words exchanged, things not going as planned or hoped for.
What Does Post-Holiday Disappointment Look Like
With unresolved feelings often come a plethora of signs – everything from negative thoughts, to extreme worry, to a decline in self-care routines. Here are just a few ways disappointment can show up:
- Low energy / fatigue
- Low motivation
- Thinking about a particular conversation or interaction over and over again
- General sadness without a known cause
- Wishing things could have been different
- Idealizing how things really went or how they will go during the next holiday
- Talking bad about others who didn’t meet your expectations
- Being hard on yourself for not meeting others’ expectations
Post-holiday disappointment will look different for everyone. Keep an eye on things that are different for you. Notice any changes in how you would typically handle disappointment and notice if this feels the same or different. Notice any changes in your routines and habits (self-care, cleaning, hygiene, eating, sleeping, etc.) and relationships.
How to Move Through Post-Holiday Disappointment
Once you know how the aftermath of the holidays is affecting you, it’s time to do something.
1. Notice how you feel
The first thing you can do is just notice how you feel. Allow yourself to get in touch with what the feeling or feelings are. Maybe it’s not disappointment, or only disappointment. Maybe it’s embarrassment, or anger, or hurt, or sadness. There are no wrong feelings.
2. Feel the feels
Once you know how you feel, allow yourself to just sit with the feeling(s). Often we get uncomfortable with strong or intense, or even what we may deem as “bad” feelings. But feelings are not good or bad. They are just signs of what we are experiencing. Feelings just need to be acknowledged and felt. They will pass. One way to sit with the feeling is to notice how you are experiencing the feeling. Notice what is happening in your body and in your thoughts. Be curious about observing your feelings without judging them or judging yourself.
3. Focus on something you enjoy
When feeling down or disappointment, it’s easy to get stuck in low energy. One way to combat that is to focus on something else. What gives you energy or joy? It doesn’t have to be something major. It could be dancing, or going outside to smell the fresh air. Pick one thing to focus on and notice if your mood, energy, or feelings shift.
Know that anytime there is a build up to something, like the holiday season, there will always be a let-down. Focusing on how you feel, allowing yourself to feel what you feel, and then turning your attention to things you enjoy can help move you through post-holiday disappointment so you can focus on what’s next in the new year.
If you need more support dealing with post-holiday (or other types of) disappointment I’d be happy to provide a consult to see how I might be able to help. You can book that here. For those living in Arizona, I offer individual and group counseling. For those living anywhere, I provide educational, supportive, and experiential wellness services.
Photo by Polina Tankilevitch from Pexels
