One topic that comes up within the first few sessions with most clients is emotional pain. Inevitably I get asked some variation of the same question…
Will I feel like this forever?
It may sound like:
- I’m tired of feeling like this.
- Is this normal?
- I can’t stop thinking about (insert any number of recurring thoughts).
The quick and dirty answer to this very pressing question is: NO!!!
You will not feel like THIS forever.
Now for the twist…you may feel like this again, and possibly often (with varying degrees of intensity) until something changes.
Clients don’t come to therapy when they have emotional pain once and it goes away. They come after feeling the same emotional pain over and over again.
If you knew how to stop the pain, you would have done it already. You have likely tried to stop the pain with all the coping skills you can muster. But it keeps coming back.
Our brains get stuck in loops. Pain loops. Coping with pain in the same ways loops. Thinking about the same things again and again loops. And then we get stuck in patterns and cannot find our way out.
The only way out of emotional pain is through, which requires getting out of the loops. Here are 4 ways to help you move to the other side:
1. Allow yourself to feel what you feel.
Feelings are important. And they can be hard. We like to get rid of them, ignore them, distract them, and pretend like they don’t exist. But they aren’t going away. Allowing yourself to feel what you feel, as uncomfortable as it may be, is a crucial part in moving through your pain.
2. Observe the emotional pain.
Emotional pain isn’t there just to keep you stuck and hurting. It’s there for a reason. Exploring what it’s there to tell you can be an important step in processing it and ultimately moving past it.
3. Cry it out.
Tears provide a physical release of emotions, which can be a tremendous relief. Despite what it may feel like, it is impossible to cry forever. (You may need to read that last sentence again). Give yourself the gift of releasing pain through tears if that’s what your body tells you it needs.
4. Talk to someone.
Sitting alone with your own pain can be scary sometimes. By talking it out with someone, you can get the benefit of not only processing the pain but also knowing you are not alone.
Sometimes, you can find your way out of emotional pain on your own, and sometimes you can’t. There is no shame in asking for help. In fact, asking for help can be one of the strongest things you do for yourself. If you want or need help moving through whatever is keeping you stuck in emotional pain, therapy might be the answer.
If you’re a woman in Arizona and you’d like to explore how to move through your emotional pain, I invite you to schedule a free 15-minute phone consult with me to see how I might help. Simply click on the BOOK FREE CONSULT button and let’s connect.
