If you were raised by a parent with narcissistic traits, it’s likely you’ve seen at least 1 of the 6 types of parental narcissism. It’s also likely that your parent presents themselves very differently to others outside the family and in public.
Here are 6 different types of narcissistic parents:
1. The Flamboyant-Extrovert:
This type of narcissist is the charmer, the entertainer, the “life of the party”. They present with charisma, garnering adoration and admiration from others. However, those closest to them know the truth. When one shows disdain or displeasure of this narcissist others outside the inner circle don’t understand and often come to the narcissist’s defense.
2. The Accomplishment-Oriented:
This type of narcissist is all about goals and “success”. But success is defined by them. Those closest to this narcissist are expected to perform at high levels and be number one. Success is measure by WHAT you do, not WHO you are, and this narcissist can turn on you quickly if you don’t meet their expectations.
3. The Psychosomatic:
This type of narcissist uses illness, aches, and pains to manipulate others into getting their way. Just when attention is about to be focused on someone else, their symptoms worsen. It doesn’t matter if others are also suffering, their suffering will always be the worst.
4. The Addicted:
This type of narcissist has an addiction to drugs, alcohol, or other substances. Their behaviors are often different while they are under the influence, not necessarily better or worse than when they are sober. If this type of narcissist becomes sober, some of their narcissistic traits may go away, but sometimes not.
5. The Secretly Mean:
This type of narcissist has a public persona and a behind-closed-doors persona, and they are as different as night and day. In front of others, they are a kind, loving, attentive person. But when others aren’t around, they are abusive. When those closest to this narcissist look for support from people who know the pubic persona, they often are met with people who don’t believe them.
6. The Emotionally Needy:
This type of narcissist wears their emotions on their sleeve. They can be up and down emotionally. They expect their children to take care of them, calm them, and listen to and solve their adult problems.
If you grew up with a narcissistic parent, it’s likely you encountered more than one of these 6 types of parental narcissism. Adult children of narcissists often report their parent displayed different faces at different times, depending on the circumstances.
One of the cornerstones of many of these types of narcissism is that the narcissist treats those closest to them differently than those outside the inner/family circle. This can lead to much confusion, questioning one’s own reality, and distrust of others.
On the road to recovery from being raised by a narcissistic parent, it’s important to take inventory of what you experienced, how your parent presented (to you, others in the family, and to those outside the family), and the impact this all had on you. In fact, this is part of the first step in recovery.
If you live in Arizona and are looking for support in your recovery from being raised by a narcissistic mother or father, please book a consult to discuss how individual or group therapy could help you.
Photo by LeeAnn Cline on Unsplash
