Adult children of narcissistic mothers often struggle on Mother’s Day. This day is meant to celebrate mothers. But it is difficult when you can find little to celebrate about your own mother.
Narcissistic mothers express love differently. Their deep wounds often prevent them from showing love in consistently healthy ways. When they try to connect, it can come out in ways that damage – belittling, criticizing, gas-lighting.
Growing up with this distorted love can leave you with your own wounds and make Mother’s Day hard.
While others find joy in a mother’s love expressed through giving, caring, nurturing, women who grew up with a narcissistic mother often feel confusion and hurt. Those are tough feelings to celebrate.
As a child, you have little control. But as an adult, you get to choose how you want to acknowledge Mother’s Day. Here are 4 ways you can make it through the day:
1. Remember what your mother has done well.
Humans tend to focus on the negative. This is especially true when you grow up in an environment wrought with criticism and emotional abuse. It can be easy to forget that not everything was painful. Take a moment to remember one good thing about your mother. It might be an event where she was nice, something she said that was encouraging, or a time she gave you a hug.
2. Focus on you.
Make a plan for how you can get through the day while giving yourself the tender, loving care you may not have gotten as a child. When you treat yourself as you wish you had been treated, it can be quite healing. Do something nice for yourself. Make yourself a priority. Enlist the support of others in making the day special. Focus on mothering yourself.
3. Give yourself a break.
If Mother’s Day is challenging, consider giving yourself a break from real or fake celebration. Often the idea and the act of trying to fake enthusiasm can be exhausting and lead to additional hurt. Take the day off or limit the amount of time you spend with your mother.
4. Forgive yourself.
It’s okay that you have a different experience on Mother’s Day. Just because others are celebrating their mothers it doesn’t mean they are right and you are wrong. There is room for ALL experiences. Forgive yourself for not feeling the way you think you should. The way you feel is the way you feel.
5. Create a new tradition.
Using any or all of the previous tips, create your own way of celebrating Mother’s Day from now on. Take what you want and leave the rest. You get to make the rules.
If the effects of being raised by a narcissistic mother are haunting you on Mother’s Day, or any other day, you may consider getting the support of a trained mental health professional. I am certified in a 5-step model to help adult daughters of narcissistic mothers recover from emotional abuse. I provide therapy to women throughout Arizona and offer phone consultations to see if I’m a good fit to help you. Click the BOOK FREE CONSULT button to schedule your consult.
