Navigating through grief is hard enough without others saying things that aren’t helpful. While most people mean well, the words they choose to say to console sometimes fall short and cause more harm than good.
The truth is, most people don’t know what to say. Grief is hard. And dealing with intense emotions (whether you are the one experiencing them or the one observing them) is also hard.
As a way to help people who are trying to help someone who is grieving, David Kessler, author and grief expert, came up with a list of the best and worst things to say.
The Worst Things to Say to Someone in Grief
- At least she lived a long life, many people die young
- He is in a better place
- She brought this on herself
- There is a reason for everything
- Aren’t you over him yet, he has been dead for awhile now
- You can have another child still
- She was such a good person God wanted her to be with him
- I know how you feel
- She did what she came here to do and it was her time to go
- Be strong
These “Worst Things” tend to discount and devalue one’s experience of grief. Now is not (and maybe never is) the time to tell someone what they should or shouldn’t do, think, or feel.
Now is the time to be present and offer support such as…
The Best Things to Say to Someone in Grief
- I am so sorry for your loss.
- I wish I had the right words, just know I care.
- I don’t know how you feel, but I am here to help in any way I can.
- You and your loved one will be in my thoughts and prayers.
- My favorite memory of your loved one is…
- I am always just a phone call away
- Give a hug instead of saying something
- We all need help at times like this, I am here for you
- I am usually up early or late, if you need anything
- Saying nothing, just be with the person
If you’re a woman residing in Arizona who is struggling with grief or supporting someone in grief, I invite you to schedule a free 15-minute phone consult with me to see how I might help. Simply click on the BOOK FREE CONSULT button and let’s connect.
