Learning how to love yourself is one cornerstone to good mental health and wellness, whether you are experiencing mental health challenges, such as anxiety or depression, or are boosting your wellness routines. At times, this can feel like an impossible task; at others, it feels doable; and yet others, it’s easy. There is an ebb and flow, just like with all things. Learning how to practice self-love is like learning most things – simple and yet not always easy.
What Gets in the Way of Self-Love
If you’re a people-pleaser, you are really good at giving – your time, your energy, your devotion, your love. You may be a natural caregiver, making sure those around you have what they want and need. You may help your children, your parents, your significant other, your siblings, your co-workers, your neighbors, your community, strangers, etc. But you know who’s not on that list (or at least not at the top)? YOU!!!
Where are YOU on your priority list?
Be honest! You may not be last on your list, but you’re likely not on the top – at least not consistently.
The Journey Starts with One Small Step
As with most things, the journey starts with a small step – a decision. The decision to practice self-love sets an intention that your action will be aligned with the intention to love yourself.
Remember the friendly skies mantra: put your own oxygen mask on before helping others with theirs. There’s a reason for that. If you can’t breathe, you’re not going to be helping anyone because you’ll be unconscious.
Once you’ve made the decision and set your intention, look at what love means to you.
What Does Love Mean to You?
There’s a fantastic book you may have heard of, “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman, that talks about five ways we feel loved by others. They include:
- Words of Affirmation: using words to affirm, or show loving and caring toward, others
- Quality Time: giving undivided attention to others
- Receiving Gifts: receiving a heartfelt, meaningful gift
- Acts of Service: doing something concrete for others in the spirit of “actions speak louder than words”
- Physical Touch: appropriate physical touch
Typically we show people we love them in the ways we most long to receive love. So, if you enjoy getting gifts, you may give gifts to others (and secretly, or not so secretly, expect they give gifts back to you in return). If you like being complimented, you hand compliments out like candy. And so on.
But just because you are good at giving love to others doesn’t mean you are good at loving yourself. Actually, the more nurturing and caring you are toward others, the less likely you may be those things to yourself. Caregivers generally have to work a bit harder to slow down and receive because they are so used to taking care of everyone else around them.
Remember that love is a two-way exchange of giving and receiving. It’s not enough to be able to give it. You must learn to receive it as well. A great way to start is to practice receiving your own love.
In upcoming articles, we’ll explore how to turn those 5 love languages into How to Practice Self-Love.
If you are struggling to love yourself, I’d be happy to provide a consult to see how I might be able to help. You can book that here. For those living in Arizona, I offer individual and group counseling. For those living anywhere, I provide educational, supportive, and experiential wellness services.
Images used from Canva.
