Mother’s Day can be a challenging time for those who grew up with narcissistic or toxic mothers. The holiday can bring up painful memories and emotions, and the societal expectations around celebrating mothers can exacerbate the difficulty. However, with some planning and self-care, it is possible to navigate Mother’s Day in a way that feels manageable and honoring of your own needs.
Why Mother's Day Might Be Difficult for Those with Narcissistic or Toxic Mothers
For those with narcissistic or toxic mothers, Mother’s Day can trigger a range of painful emotions. It may bring up memories of neglect or abuse, or highlight the ways in which their mother fell short of fulfilling their emotional needs. The pressure to celebrate and honor their mother on this day can also create additional stress and anxiety.
It’s important to acknowledge and validate these difficult emotions, and to give yourself permission to feel them. Recognize that it’s normal to feel a range of emotions on Mother’s Day, and that it’s okay to prioritize your own needs and emotions over societal expectations.
How to Plan for Mother's Day When You Will Spend Time With Your Mother
If you plan to spend time with your mother on Mother’s Day, you may want to prepare mentally and emotionally. Here are some tips:
- Prioritize activities that help you feel grounded and centered, such as meditation, yoga, or spending time in nature.
- Give yourself permission to take breaks when you need them, and to prioritize your own needs over others.
- Reach out to your support system in the days leading up to Mother’s Day, and consider scheduling a check-in call for after the holiday.
- Communicate your needs and expectations with your mother in a clear and respectful way.
- Depending on your relationship with your mother, it may be helpful to plan activities that feel manageable and enjoyable for both of you.
- If spending a full day with your mother feels overwhelming, consider setting a time limit. For example, you might plan to spend the morning or afternoon together, but have a plan for how to leave if things become too stressful or triggering.
How to Plan for Mother's Day When You Do Not Plan to Spend Time With Your Mother
For some, the decision to not spend time with their mother on Mother’s Day can be a valid and healthy choice. If this is the case for you, here are some suggestions for alternative ways to celebrate the day:
- Consider reaching out to other mother figures in your life, such as a grandmother, aunt, or friend. Take the opportunity to honor and celebrate these important relationships.
- Treat yourself to a day of self-care activities that feel nourishing and enjoyable. This might include taking a bubble bath, going for a walk, or indulging in your favorite meal.
- Recognize that choosing to not spend time with your mother on Mother’s Day can be a difficult decision, and that it’s normal to experience guilt or societal pressure around this choice.
Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to dealing with a toxic or narcissistic mother on Mother’s Day. The most important thing is to prioritize your own well-being and to do what feels right for you. Whether that means spending time with your mother or not, make sure you are taking care of yourself and doing what is best for you.
If you need support dealing with your toxic mother, I’d be happy to provide a consult to see how I might be able to help. You can book that here. For those living in Arizona, I offer individual and group counseling. For those living anywhere, I provide educational, supportive, and experiential wellness services.
