In Saying Goodbye, we explored why it’s hard and helpful to say goodbye. Now, let’s explore the Goodbye Letter and how it can be a effective tool in saying goodbye – to the end of a year or for any other circumstance that warrants a farewell. In this article, I’m focused on saying goodbye to the previous year (a nice little end or beginning of the year ritual), but it can be used to say goodbye to people, places, and things as well.
Ingredients of a Goodbye Letter
While there’s no ONE right way to write a goodbye letter, there are different aspects to consider putting in your letter.
Reflection
Thinking about what you are saying goodbye to is a great place to start. This can involve considering the good, the bad, and the indifferent. Here are questions to get you started:
- What went well over the last year?
- What was challenging?
- How did I deal with setbacks?
- What could I have done differently?
Gratitude
It may seem easy to give thanks for the good things that happened in the previous year, but I encourage you to also make space that the hard things are something to be grateful for as well. Here are questions to get you started:
- What happened in the past year that I was immediately thankful for?
- What happened that I wasn’t immediately thankful for (or even upset about) but can now see as a blessing?
Lessons Learned
Each experience provides opportunities to learn more about yourself, others, and the world. Take time to explore what you learned and how it will help you. Here are questions to get you started:
- What lessons did I learn from the good and/or easy things that happened this year?
- What lessons did I learn from the bad and/or hard things that happened this year?
Achievements
Focus on the goals you’ve achieved. Some may have been planned, but others may have been a bit of a surprise. Here are questions to get you started:
- What goals did I set at the beginning of the year? Did I achieve them?
- What goals did I achieve that I didn’t plan for?
- What goals did achieve that don’t really seem like a big deal (cause everything counts)?
Authentic Emotions
Saying goodbye often stirs up emotions. And a goodbye letter is not the place to skimp out on all the feels. Remember that it’s common to have complex, mixed, and complicated emotions around goodbyes. It’s okay – and even healthy – to explore all of it. Here are questions to get you started:
- What emotions did I experience related to what went well this past year?
- What emotions did I experience related to what was hard this past year?
- What experiences led to complex, missed, and complicated emotions? How did I cope with those emotions?
Future
Once you reflect, express gratitude, explore lessons learned, achievements, and emotions, it’s only fitting that you’ll think about how it all fits into your future. Take time to think about how all of that impacts what’s next. Here are questions to get you started:
- How can I bring the lessons I learned into the new year and the new goals I have set?
- How can I manage setbacks knowing that they are likely necessary to get me to something even better?
Before Writing Your Goodbye Letter
Before you write your goodbye letter, set up your inner and outer environment for success. Here are some tips:
- Minimize visual and auditory distractions.
- Find a quiet, cozy, private place to write where you won’t be disturbed.
- Get your senses on board by giving them positive experiences that will enhance your writing and give you something to focus on when you get stuck.
- SIGHT: A favorite photo, painting, affirmation or other object you can look at.
- TOUCH: A comforting object you can touch, such as a fuzzy blanket, soft pillow, fidget spinner, squishy ball, etc.
- SOUND: Music or other sounds to help you focus.
- SMELL: A pleasant scent, such as essential oils, flowers, candles, etc.
- TASTE: A soothing treat, such as tea, juice, a mint, hard candy, etc.
- Take some deep breaths. As you breathe in imagine your breath carrying in a sense of calm, peace, and tranquility. As you breathe out imagine your breath carrying out any physical or emotional tension, unease, or discomfort.
Writing Your Goodbye Letter
Once you think about all the ingredients and have yourself and your environment prepared the next step is to write your goodbye letter. You can write the letter any way you like, but if you need some inspiration, you might think of the typical anatomy of a letter with an example:
Part
What
Example
Greeting
Opening of the letter
Dear _____ (last year),
Body
The bulk of what you want to say, including an introduction, paragraphs with the “ingredients” listed above
Our time together has come to a close. I’d like to thank you and tell you what you’ve meant to me.
As I reflect on the past 12 months, I’ve noticed…
Thank you for the lessons you taught me. First, I learned…
During our time, I was able to accomplish so much, including…
While I’ve learned a lot, I’ve also experienced profound _____ (sadness, grief, pain, other emotions).
Closing
Ending statement or paragraph
I appreciate what we’ve been through together, what you taught me, and what I will bring forward into the next year.
Signature
How you sign off at the end
With gratitude and appreciation,
_____ (your name)
As you write your own letter, here are some tips to keep you on track.
- Don’t get hung up on perfection. Just start writing.
- Brainstorm ideas first if that will help you.
- Use the questions above as starting points of what to write.
- Imagine you are writing the letter to someone you trust and who is very supportive.
- Set a timer to help you stay focused and give you break times if needed.
What to do with Your Goodbye Letter
Once you write your letter, now what? Here are some ideas of what you can do once you’ve written your goodbye letter.
Ceremonial Burning
Symbolize the release of the past by ceremonially burning your letter. This act can be a powerful representation of letting go and making space for new beginnings.
Tuck It Away for a Future Date
Seal your letter in an envelope and tuck it away. Choose a future date—perhaps a year from now or a significant personal milestone—to revisit and reflect on the journey you’ve undertaken.
Create a Visual Representation
Transform your sentiments into a visual representation. Consider crafting a small art piece or incorporating elements of your letter into a vision board for the upcoming year.
Share It with Loved Ones
If you feel comfortable, share excerpts or the entirety of your goodbye letter with trusted friends or family members. This can deepen connections and create shared reflections on the past year.
Digital Time Capsule
Create a digital time capsule. Store your letter in a password-protected document or an encrypted platform to revisit in the years to come.
Reread It as a New Year Tradition
Make it a personal tradition to reread your goodbye letter at the beginning of each new year. Witness the evolution of your thoughts, emotions, and experiences over time.
While saying goodbye can be difficult, it can also be a helpful ritual. Crafting a goodbye letter is a great way to bring perspective to all your experiences, close a chapter, and begin a new one. Happy New Year!
