Maybe you think you need help. Maybe you don’t. Maybe you want help. Maybe you’re scared about what asking for help will say about you.
As a licensed psychotherapist, I see this dilemma a lot. The teetering between “do I really need therapy” and “I should just be able to handle this on my own”. This can be a really hard place to be.
In addition to therapy, I also provide trainings and do consultant work. I have access to a lot of people. People who ask me questions about all sorts of things, from how to deal with anxiety, to how to deal with loss, to how to deal with the any number of really tough situations.
Sometimes, a brave person will ask “how do I know if I need therapy?”
Here’s my short answer: If you are asking the question, you probably already know the answer. And you probably could benefit from therapy.
I like to stay away from the word “need” when it comes to therapy. Because therapy is not a need, it’s a service. The underlying need is much more basic. People need love, food, shelter, clothing, affection, connection, validation, understanding, and belongingness. Therapy is a way to get one or more of these needs met.
People typically come to therapy because something is off. They are experiencing distress, unease, “symptoms”. They are unhappy, or sad, or anxious, or fearful, or depressed, or traumatized, or addicted, or…the list goes on.
I recently put it like this to someone:
You take your car to a mechanic because they know about cars. They are experts. They look at your car, diagnose, make a recommendation, and fix it.
Therapists are also experts. They know what works. They look at you (your history, your symptoms, your thoughts, your experience), diagnose, make recommendations, and provide treatment.
The only difference is that mechanics work on something tangible and therapists work on things you cannot physically see or touch. If there is unbalance with your tires, your mechanic makes an adjustment and you’re good to go. You don’t blame the car for being unbalanced.
If there is unbalance in your thinking, the idea of being “fixed” prompts the unhelpful thought “there must be something wrong with me”. This is what often gets in the way of people seeking help…the self-blame and shame associated with unbalance. If your car talked to you the way your mind does when unbalanced, you may never get it fixed again.
What might be more helpful is to realize that the unbalance in your thinking is the issue, not you, and that unbalance can be addressed through therapy. Therapy is NOT about fixing you, it’s about fixing the issue.
So if you find yourself asking if you need therapy, ask these questions instead:
- Would getting an expert’s guidance be helpful?
- Can I benefit from another perspective?
- Have I tried things to fix the issue but things still aren’t where I want them to be?
- Am I getting stuck in analysis paralysis, unable to make decisions I know could help me?
- Are my feelings so intense I’m not sure I can handle them?
If you answer yes to even one of the above questions, it might be time to reach out for some help from an expert. No shame, no blame, just help.
I am a therapist providing online therapy to women in Arizona. If you’re interested in learning if therapy could benefit you, I invite you to schedule a free 15-minute phone consult with me to see how I might help. Simply click on the BOOK FREE CONSULT button and let’s connect.
