Grief and the holidays go together. It doesn’t matter if your loss happened last week, last year, or several years ago. The holidays are a time of reminders that your loved one isn’t there.
Some reminders come with good memories mixed with the sting of loss. Others are happy and brings smiles and joy. And others can be quite painful.
Triggers of Grief During the Holidays
As we come upon another holiday season, take a moment to think about what triggers you might experience. Triggers might include:
- Setting one less plate at the dinner table
- Photos of your loved one at previous gatherings
- A tradition that cannot be fulfilled in the same way
Having an idea of what triggers might occur can help you feel better prepared.
Ways to Honor Your Loved One During the Holidays
During the holidays, there are many ways you can honor your loved one who is no longer with you.
- Do something in their name. Think of something that was important to them, such as volunteering at or donating to a certain charity.
- Do something they would enjoy. Carry on a tradition or activity they loved, such as playing holiday music, watching their favorite movie, or walking after a holiday meal.
- Reminisce with stories about them. Gather with others who share a strong bond with them and share stories that highlight fun and meaningful memories.
- Light a candle for them. Say a prayer or wish for your loved one and light a candle in their honor.
- Set a place for them at the table. Giving them a seat at the table at a family meal can be a way to remember them and invite sharing of cherished memories.
Ways to Honor Yourself During Your Grief
The most important thing in grief is to honor where you are. If you are sad, be sad. If you are relieved, be relieved. This can be difficult to do. Here are some ideas to help you do that:
Practice mindfulness
Mindfulness is about being aware of the present moment without judgement. While grieving, we can often be brought to the past (memories) and to the future (life without the person, pet or thing we lost). Being able to stay in the present moment means acknowledging the feelings and thoughts we are experiencing and being curious, rather than judgmental, about them. For a closer look at mindfulness and how it can be helpful, check out How Practicing Mindfulness Can Improve Your Mental Health and Wellness.
Practice self-compassion
We like to be hard on ourselves when something doesn’t feel right. And, let’s be honest, grief often doesn’t feel right. We can feel “off” or not like ourselves during grief. Practicing self-compassion allows us to be kind and gentle with ourselves right where we are. For a more in-depth look at practicing self-compassion, check out How Practicing Self-Compassion Can Improve Your Mental Health and Wellness.
Ask for what you need
Often people ask “what can I do” after loss. It’s hard to know how to respond to that at first. But it’s an important topic to think about. What would be most helpful to you right now or during upcoming holiday gatherings or celebrations? Think of things that will help you feel less encumbered by your grief.
As you navigate the holidays and your grief, remember to honor yourself and your loss in ways that feel helpful.
If you are looking for more education around grief, check out our live and on demand wellness services. If you live in Arizona and are looking for individual grief counseling, you can learn more here, or book a consult to see how I can help.
Photo by Shaun Palmer from Pixabay
