Grief is a natural and necessary process that occurs after the loss of a loved one, a job, a relationship, or anything that has significant meaning in our lives. It is a journey that is unique to each person, with no set timeline or formula. However, grieving someone who is still living but has toxic or narcissistic traits is a unique and challenging experience that can bring up a lot of conflicting emotions and confusion.
How Grieving Someone Still Living is Different
Unlike the grieving process after the death of a loved one, grieving someone who is still living can be more complex and can take longer to resolve. In the case of someone with toxic or narcissistic traits, the person who is still alive may have caused significant emotional pain or trauma. This can make it not only difficult for you to move on but also challenging to find closure.
One of the most difficult aspects of grieving someone who is still living is the sense of ambiguity that often accompanies this type of grief. It’s common to feel like you’re in limbo, unsure of whether the person will change their behavior or if you’ll ever have the resolution you need to heal. It’s also possible that the person will continue to hurt you or refuse to acknowledge the pain they have caused, which can add to the complexity of the grieving process.
Sometimes the person who has hurt you may also send mixed signals or engage in manipulative behavior, which can create even more confusion. For example, they may apologize or express remorse one moment, only to deny any wrongdoing or gaslight you the next. This can make it difficult to know what to believe or how to respond.
The sense of ambiguity can also create a sense of guilt or shame, especially if you’re still in contact with the person who has hurt you. You may worry that you’re not handling the situation correctly, or that you’re not doing enough to try to fix the relationship. This can lead to feelings of helplessness and despair.
5 Ways to Move Through the Grief of Someone Who is Still Alive
So, how can you cope with this type of grief? Here are some tips:
1. Give yourself permission to grieve.
It’s essential to recognize that what you’re feeling is valid, regardless of what the person who has hurt you might say. Allow yourself to feel the sadness, anger, and other emotions that come up without judgment.
2. Practice self-care.
When grieving someone who is still living, it’s essential to take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually. This might include eating well, getting enough sleep, exercising, practicing mindfulness or meditation, or engaging in activities that bring you joy.
3. Set boundaries.
If the person who has hurt you is still in your life, it’s essential to set boundaries to protect yourself. This might mean limiting your contact with them, setting clear expectations for their behavior, or ending the relationship altogether.
4. Focus on the present.
When grieving someone who is still living, it’s easy to get caught up in the past or worry about the future. However, focusing on the present moment can be a helpful way to stay grounded and reduce anxiety. Mindfulness is a great tool to practice to keep yourself focused in the present moment.
5. Find support.
Seek out people who can understand and empathize with your experience. This might be a therapist, a support group, or friends and family members who have been through similar experiences.
Ultimately, the ambiguity that comes with grieving someone who is still living with toxic or narcissistic traits can make it challenging to find closure. It’s essential to recognize that closure may not be possible in these situations, and that you may need to focus on finding peace and healing for yourself, even if the person who has hurt you is still in your life. Remember, you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect, and you have the power to create boundaries and take care of yourself, regardless of the circumstances.
If you are struggling to grieve someone in your life who’s still alive, I’d be happy to provide a consult to see how I might be able to help. You can book that here. For those living in Arizona, I offer individual and group counseling. For those living anywhere, I provide educational, supportive, and experiential wellness services.
