Mother’s Day is a time to celebrate the love and care that mothers provide. For those who have experienced maternal emotional abuse, however, Mother’s Day can be a painful reminder of the love and care that they didn’t receive. But there’s a way to cultivate maternal qualities, such as nurturing, caring, and protectiveness within yourself. This is the work of honoring your inner mother.
What Is an Inner Mother?
An inner mother is a part of your psyche that embodies the qualities of a nurturing, love, caring, compassion, and empathy. Your inner mother can provide you with the emotional support and guidance you may have missed out on in childhood. A strong inner mother can help you:
- Navigate life’s challenges
- Heal from emotional wounds
- Cultivate a sense of self-love and acceptance
- Set healthy boundaries with others
- Communicate your needs and feelings effectively
- Form healthy relationships
- Face life’s challenges with grace and courage
How to Cultivate Your Inner Mother
To get in touch with your inner mother, it may be helpful to first think of what you wish you had (rather than what you actually had). What do you wish your mother had said or done to comfort you, put you at ease, and show you love? Now, think of what you can do for and say to yourself that a loving mother would. Here are some ideas:
Practice Self-Care
Take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally. This includes getting enough sleep, eating well, engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, and treating yourself with compassion and kindness. To practice self-care, your inner mother might encourage you by saying:
Take care of yourself, your well-being is important.
You deserve to rest and recharge.
Engage in Inner Child Work
Explore your inner child through journaling, art, or therapy. Get in touch with the feelings and needs that you may have suppressed or ignored in childhood, and learn to validate and honor them. To heal your inner child, your internal mother might encourage you by saying:
I am here to provide the love and support you need.
Your feelings are valid and important, I am here to listen.
Set Healthy Boundaries
Set healthy boundaries with others, and honor your own needs and feelings. Learn to say no when you need to, and communicate your boundaries clearly and respectfully. Allow your inner mother to guide you in creating a safe and nurturing environment for yourself, and surround yourself with people who respect and honor your boundaries. To set healthy boundaries, your inner mother might encourage you by saying:
You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.
It’s okay to say no when you need to.
Practice Gratitude
Practice gratitude by focusing on the positive aspects of your life and acknowledging the blessings that you have. Express gratitude for the people who have supported you, the experiences that have shaped you, and the opportunities that you have been given. Allow your inner mother to help you cultivate a sense of abundance, love, and appreciation in your life. To practice gratitude, your inner mother might encourage you by saying:
You have so much to be grateful for.
I am proud of you for recognizing and appreciating the good in your life.
Develop Self-Compassion
Develop self-compassion by treating yourself with the same kindness, care, and understanding that you would offer to a dear friend. Practice self-forgiveness and let go of self-blame and self-criticism. Allow your inner mother to provide you with the unconditional love and acceptance that you may have missed out on in childhood. To develop self-compassion, your inner mother may encourage you by saying:
You are loved just the way you are.
I am here to support and comfort you.
Practice Mindfulness
Practice mindfulness by staying present in the moment and observing your thoughts and feelings without judgment. Learn to accept your experiences and emotions as they are, without trying to change or fix them. Allow your inner mother to provide you with a sense of calm, comfort, and stability, and to help you cultivate a deeper connection with yourself and the world around you. To practice mindfulness, your inner mother might encourage you by saying:
You are safe and supported in this moment.
Breathe deeply and feel the peace within you.
Developing a strong inner mother can help you heal from emotional wounds, overcome self-doubt, and cultivate a sense of self-love and acceptance. By practicing self-care, engaging in inner child work, setting healthy boundaries, practicing gratitude, developing self-compassion, and practicing mindfulness, you can cultivate your inner mother and provide yourself with the love and support that you deserve. Remember that your inner mother is always with you, and that you can call upon her whenever you need guidance, comfort, or encouragement. Happy Mother’s Day to the your inner mother.
If you need support developing your inner mother, I’d be happy to provide a consult to see how I might be able to help. You can book that here. For those living in Arizona, I offer individual and group counseling. For those living anywhere, I provide educational, supportive, and experiential wellness services.
