What do you get when you mix high stress, intense emotions, a health crisis, racial tension, and political division?
A powder keg ready to go off at any moment.
If you’ve been paying attention to mass media, social media, or conversations overheard just about anywhere these days, you know tensions are high.
Why?
Because our lizard brains have taken over.
No, I’m not talking about any conspiracy theory. I’m talking about good, old-fashioned, hard-wired DNA.
We are designed to survive. When there are threats (perceived or real) to our safety, our lizard brain (the part of our brain that drives survival) takes over.
Once we are in survival mode, we have one of three reactions:
- The FIGHT response is about attack mode, being aggressive, in an attempt to ward off danger.
- The FLIGHT response is about protecting yourself by running away from danger.
- With more trauma research coming out in recent decades, another response was identified. The FREEZE response is about an inability to respond in the moment to danger.
So how does this relate to COVID and conflict?
First, let me ask some additional questions:
- What have you noticed about YOUR responses to all the things happening in the world, the United States, your state, and your local community?
- What have you noticed about other peoples’ responses to these things?
- Are you responding the way you typically do to stress?
- Are you noticing extreme responses in yourself or others?
Chances are, you are noticing some differences in not only how you are responding to the increased stress, but in how others are responding as well.
With COVID, there is an actual REAL threat to our safety. There’s immediate physical threat to physical health, and secondary threats to our economic, housing, financial, educational, and vocational realities. Any or all of these threats can impact our ability to survive, to eat, to make money, to pay our rent, have a roof over our heads, etc.
And when there are threats, there are responses.
What Does This Look Like
For those who experience a FIGHT response, this could look like:
- Arguing with strangers you don’t agree with
- Criticizing others for their choices
- Confronting people in public
For those who experience a FLIGHT response, this could look like:
- Avoiding conversations about anything controversial
- Talking about others rather than talking to them
- Getting lost in entertainment to escape
For those who experience a FREEZE response, this could look like:
- Difficulty thinking clearly when asked direct questions
- Not responding to people who reach out to you
- Feeling disconnected from your thoughts, feelings, or reality in general
There is good news, however. Even though our hard-wired, lizard brain responses are automatic, we can learn to widen the gap between the trigger (perceived or real threat to our safety) and how we ultimately end up responding. It just takes some practice.
1. Notice the Trigger.
When you’re triggered, that means something triggered you. Ask yourself…
- What just happened?
- Is this a REAL or PERCEIVED threat?
- Is the threat immediate?
- Is my life in danger? (if yes, call 911)
Provided you are actually physical safe and not in immediate danger…
2. Notice MORE about the trigger. Ask yourself…
- Is it possible I’m not reacting with my rational brain?
- What thoughts are coming up for me?
- What feelings am I having?
- Where am I feeling this in my body?
Now that you are more aware of the how the threat is affecting you…
3. Identify what you can do to activate your rational brain. Ask yourself…
- What can I do right now to calm down?
- What can I do to feel more present in the moment?
While you cannot avoid conflict completely, and you cannot control how other people respond, you certainly can take steps to understanding how you respond and make efforts to shift that.
If you’re a woman living in Arizona struggling with the conflict around you and want some additional support, I invite you to schedule a free 15-minute phone consult with me to discuss if individual or group therapy might help you. Click on the BOOK FREE CONSULT button to schedule.
