If practicing self-love were always easy, we’d all be doing it. But things get in the way. In the article Learning How to Love Yourself, we explored what gets in the way of self-love, the first step toward practicing self-love, and the 5 Love Languages. In this article we’ll explore how to practice self-love, starting with Words of Affirmation.
Words of Affirmation are all about using words to affirm, or show loving and caring. Think about having a personal cheerleader in your corner pumping you up when you need encouragement, complimenting you on your accomplishments and character, and consoling you when you’re down.
Words of Affirmation Tip 1: Say nice things to yourself.
One great way to deal with any negative or critical thoughts you have is to counter each one with a positive statement. But you can also start off with a positive statement (before that inner critic gets going). Start by identifying the things you would LOVE to hear. Write them down. You can even break this down further into things you want to hear when those critical thoughts often get loud, perhaps when you are working on a difficult task, learning something new, going through a transition, or experiencing a challenge. Then, say those things to yourself, in your head silently or even out loud.
Words of Affirmation Tip 2: Use daily affirmations
Affirmations are general positive statements you can say to yourself on a regular basis to help keep negative thoughts at bay. You can create your own or search online to find affirmations. Affirmations should be set in the present tense and include what you want, not what you don’t want. For example, “I want to stop being so self-critical” would be better as an affirmation stated as “I am accepting of myself as I am”. Create or find affirmations that resonate with you and post them where you can see them. Then, say them to yourself or out loud every time you see them. Work your way up to saying an affirmation multiple times in a row and multiple times a day. A good resource for existing affirmations is Louise Hay’s website.
Words of Affirmation Tip 3: Practice self-compassion
It’s often easier to be compassionate towards others than it is to be compassionate towards ourselves. Think of what you say to others to help them through a challenge and start saying those things to yourself. If you don’t know or can’t remember, ask others what you have said to them that has been impactful. Next, make a list. Then, start saying those things to yourself. Another great way to practice self-compassion in is to listen to a meditation. You can find a great Loving Kindness for Ourselves meditation on Chris Germer’s website.
Tips for Using Words of Affirmation:
- Write it down. You are likely to forget what you need to hear when you need to hear it. So, write it down and keep a list handy for quick access.
- Remind yourself. Set timers on your device. Post notes where you can see them.
- Set aside time each day. Set an alarm. Pair it with something you are already doing daily, such as brushing your teeth, having your morning caffeine, or eating a meal.
- Track how you are feeling. Take note of how you feel before, during, and after using words of affirmation.
- Check-in regularly. Review your progress and make any changes needed to what you are saying to yourself. Notes any patterns in how you feel. Basically, keep doing what’s working, and either modify or stop doing what isn’t.
In upcoming articles, we’ll explore using the other love languages – Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch – to practice self-love.
If you are struggling to love yourself, I’d be happy to provide a consult to see how I might be able to help. You can book that here. For those living in Arizona, I offer individual and group counseling. For those living anywhere, I provide educational, supportive, and experiential wellness services.
