We can be hard on ourselves. I’m not talking “I could have done that differently” hard…I’m talking “I’m a bad person for doing that and don’t deserve to be loved” hard.
Ouch.
And it often happens quickly when we perceive that something we have done or said didn’t go over well. That’s when the harsh inner critic comes out to play, wreaking havoc on our self-esteem and confidence.
One tool to quiet that inner critic that has had a tremendous impact on my clients is self-compassion.
Practicing self-compassion is, like most things I teach, simple yet not always easy.
First, let’s talk about what self-compassion is not:
- Self-Compassion is NOT forgiveness. While forgiveness can be a part of self-compassion work, it’s not the starting point. I’ve worked with enough people to know that self-forgiveness can be challenging until some other work is done first.
- Self-Compassion is NOT self-worth. Regardless of how we feel about ourselves, we deserve compassion. Read that again. You do not have to earn compassion. It is something all humans deserve.
- Self-Compassion is NOT selfish. We are often taught to take care of others at the expense of ourselves. Tending to and anticipating their needs. However, if we are neglecting ourselves, we are less likely to be able to meet anyone’s needs. Therefore, it’s essential to take care of ourselves.
Compassion is about understanding and empathy. It is something all humans deserve. It’s about putting ourselves in someone else’s place to gain perspective on their pain, suffering, or even joy.
Most of my clients are experts in being compassionate toward others. It’s being compassion towards ourselves that can get tricky.
- Be your own friend. Imagine your friend is going through a difficult time. What would you say to them or do for them? Turn that around on yourself when you are going through a difficult time.
- Be your own cheerleader. When you are working toward a goal, what is something you like to hear to keep yourself going? Say that to yourself. Write it down and post it where you can see it. Set a reminder on your phone.
- Be mindful of your thoughts. Notice when the inner critic voice is strong. Then counter-balance it with something positive. The more your practice this, the easier it will become.
- Meditate on it. To get started, use a guided meditation to help you through being self-compassionate. Here is a great one to get you started: Self-Compassion/Loving Kindness Meditation.
The trick to practicing self-compassion is to make it a habit by practicing it often and consistently. Set aside time to practice it, then see what happens.
Looking for more support in practicing self-compassion? Get on my email list to get notified of upcoming classes, workshops, and retreats.
