If you’re struggling with anxiety or the aftermath of parental emotional abuse, you may benefit from reparenting yourself. Reparenting is a process of healing from the wounds of childhood by providing the nurturing care and support that you may have missed out on. In this article, we’ll explore why you might need to reparent yourself, what it means to reparenting yourself, and tips to reparent yourself.
Why You Might Need to Reparent Yourself
Growing up in a not-so-ideal childhood can lead to a range of negative effects on mental health, including anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and difficulty trusting others. This may occur when childhood experiences include neglect, abuse, trauma, or other incidents that left a lasting mark on healthy development. These experiences can make it challenging to develop a healthy sense of self and a positive relationship with oneself. Reparenting offers an opportunity to heal these wounds by providing the kind of care and support that may have been missing during childhood.
What it Means to Reparent Yourself
Reparenting yourself involves identifying the kind of care and support you needed but didn’t receive, and then providing that care to yourself. This may involve changing the negative self-talk that you developed as a result of emotional abuse, learning to prioritize your own needs, and cultivating self-compassion.
Identifying the kind of care and support you needed can be a challenging process, as it may involve confronting painful memories and emotions. One way to start this process is by reflecting on your experiences and the messages you received from your parent(s). Ask yourself questions like:
- What messages did you receive from your parent that you wish had been different?
- What would you have wanted your parent to say to you during moments of pain or distress?
- What kind of emotional support did you need but didn’t receive?
- What kind of physical care did you need but didn’t receive?
Examples of the kind of care and support you may have needed but didn’t receive from your parents could include:
- Emotional validation and support during difficult times
- Affection, hugs, and physical touch
- Encouragement and praise for your accomplishments
- Recognition of your strengths and talents
- Help and guidance in learning new skills
- Protection from harm and danger
- Consistent, reliable care and attention
- Boundaries and structure to feel safe and secure
Tips to Reparenting Yourself
Once you have some answers to the above questions, you can start to provide some of what you needed to yourself now. Here are some ideas on how to do that.
1. Tell Yourself What You Need To Hear
Practice saying to yourself what you needed to hear from your parent but didn’t. For example, if you didn’t receive words of encouragement or validation from your parent, try saying these things to yourself instead. This can involve saying affirmations, writing positive notes to yourself, or simply acknowledging your achievements and strengths.
2. Be kind and gentle with yourself.
Remember that reparenting yourself is a journey, and it may take time and practice to fully embrace new ways of thinking and behaving. Treat yourself with the same care and compassion that you would offer to a child who needs support.
3. Cultivate self-awareness.
Take time to check in with yourself and identify when you’re experiencing anxiety or other negative emotions. Ask yourself what you need in that moment to feel safe and supported, and try to provide that care to yourself.
4. Set boundaries and prioritize your needs.
Reparenting yourself means learning to prioritize your own needs and wellbeing. This may involve setting boundaries with others, saying no when you need to, and taking time for self-care activities that nourish your body and mind.
By identifying the kind of care and support you needed but didn’t receive, you can gain clarity on what you need to provide for yourself through the process of reparenting. Remember, reparenting is a process, and it may take time and effort to develop new ways of thinking and behaving. Be kind and patient with yourself as you work towards healing and growth.
If you are struggling with anxiety related to your past, I’d be happy to provide a consult to see how I might be able to help. You can book that here. For those living in Arizona, I offer individual and group counseling. For those living anywhere, I provide educational, supportive, and experiential wellness services.
