In Step 1 of Self-Care on Steroids, I walked you through a process of identifying what is working, what needs to be changed, what needs to be eliminated, and what could be added to your self-care routines.
In Step 2, I’ll be helping you find ways to start making small changes.
In my over 20 years helping people make big and small changes in their lives, I’ve learned that humans tend to over-complicate things.
We want bigger, better, faster…we’re like Veruca Salt in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory…
This can look like:
- Trying to change all the things at once
- Expecting ourselves to go from not doing something to doing it all day everyday starting immediately
- Picking something to try that requires a level of mastery we haven’t yet achieved
- Expecting ourselves to do something we’ve never done before “perfectly”
Any or all of the above can lead to us giving up quickly because it’s too hard.
We do one or more of the above not because we consciously want to sabotage ourselves. It can simply be we’ve struggled for so long that we just want things to be different. And that’s a good thing.
But there’s a way to change our self-care routines that sets us up for failure, and there’s a way to change them that sets us up for success.
To set yourself up for success in changing your self-care routines (or anything really), here are some tried and true tips:
1. Focus on one thing at a time.
The tendency to focus on more than one thing or all the things you want to change is likely going to lead to frustration rather than change.
WHY
Remember science class? You only want to change or add one variable at a time so you know if it’s working. If you add too many things at once, you won’t be sure what is working.
HOW
Pick ONE THING from your “What is NOT working as well” or “New Routines” list from Step 1 to focus on first.
2. Don’t eliminate things without replacing them first.
This may seem counter-intuitive. But most people take a “cold turkey” approach to things that aren’t working. This often back fires and we end up doing MORE of the thing we’re trying to quit.
WHY
The problem with this is that whatever we were doing was serving a purpose, and once it’s taken away, there will be a void. When there’s a void we tend to fill it in with either the same thing or something equally not helpful (and then be really hard on ourselves for it).
HOW
3. Set realistic expectations for yourself.
Along with only focusing on one thing at a time, make some realistic expectations about when and how often to do that thing.
WHY
Expecting yourself to go from 0 to 100 in the snap of a finger is a recipe for disaster. Habits don’t get formed in a day, whether healthy or unhealthy.
HOW
Decide when to start the new thing. Take out your calendar and schedule it within the next 7 days. If you have to move something, do it, as long as it’s realistic. Decide how often you want to do the new thing…then promptly cut that frequency in half because you are likely expecting too much too fast. If you want to start meditating, for example, and are doing it 0 days a week now, add it to your calendar 1-3 times in the next week (not daily). It’s easier to increase frequency once you’ve reached a realistic goal than it is to decrease frequency because you expected too much.
In Step 3, I share some researched-based tools that will give your self-care routines an extra boost.
If you’d like some more support with your self-care, check out our wellness services that include workshops, classes, and retreats.
