Adult survivors of parental narcissistic abuse are uniquely equipped with radars to detect when things aren’t quite right. They’ve dealt with being lied to, berated, gas-lighted, scapegoated, and left to discern truth from fiction more often than they care to count.
From an early age, their reality is skewed. As adults, these survivors can be triggered by people, places, and things that remind them of their early experiences.
The COVID pandemic seems to be a perfect storm for many survivors of parental narcissistic abuse and other childhood wounds.
As an expert in human behavior, I’m seeing a lot of triggering happening related to three main themes:
- Trust
- Physical safety
- Emotional safety
Trust
One of the big wounds left by parental narcissistic abuse is that of not being able to trust. When a parent who is supposed to love and care for you and be there to guide you abuses that power (intentionally or not), it has a lasting effect.
Trust is built on a foundation of telling the truth and being consistent. When you have a parent who does neither, you learn not to trust anyone, including yourself.
As an adult, this may look like:
- Being wishy-washy in making decisions
- Second-guessing yourself or others
- Looking to others for validation
During the pandemic, triggers may look like:
- President who says something then says he didn’t say it, or that he meant something different, or that he was joking, or that he doesn’t remember saying it.
- Conflicting information being given about cases, testing, PPE, when it’s safe to go back to work, etc.
- People telling us to follow or not follow CDC guidelines.
- Officials not answering questions directly.
Physical Safety
Anything that puts personal physical safety in jeopardy is something that could trigger old wounds. Physical safety is our first experience of the world. As babies, we cannot take care of ourselves. We rely on others to care for our basic needs (food, shelter, protection). When those needs aren’t met, our very survival is at stake.
As an adult, this may look like:
- Taking risks with your body, health, or safety (thrill-seeking)
- Being startled easily
- Neglecting yourself
During the pandemic, triggers may look like:
- Supply (hello toilet paper) and food shortages.
- Militia storming state capital armed with weapons.
- People not following CDC guidelines.
- People not wearing masks.
- People not social distancing.
- People being physically harmed or killed for enforcing safety guidelines.
Emotional Safety
While physical safety is necessary to stay alive, emotional safety is necessary to stay sane. Being raised by an emotionally abusive parent leaves long-lasting wounds. These wounds are often caused by criticism, berating, belittling, harsh judgments, name-calling, threats, etc. Feeling emotionally safe requires being treated with respect and dignity.
As an adult, this may look like:
- Not feeling worthy
- Thinking you’re not good enough
- Accepting less than you deserve in relationships, jobs, etc.
During the pandemic, triggers may look like:
- Being called (or seeing others called) names, criticized, or belittled when expressing emotions.
- Finding out important people in your life have opposing belief systems.
- Social isolation.
- Decreased physical touch.
Currently, there is a storm of events that have occurred since the COVID pandemic was declared that have shaken the pillars of trust, physical safety, AND emotional safety. When these pillars are on shaky ground, it is normal for us to kick into survival mode.
For tips on how to manage uncertainty, check out Calming COVID Anxiety: 6 Tips for Living With Uncertainty.
If you notice yourself being triggered and need additional support, you may want to seek help from a trained mental health professional.
I’m a licensed psychotherapist with nearly 20 years of experience. One of my specialties is helping women who were raised by an emotionally abusive mother. If you’re a woman residing in Arizona, I invite you to schedule a free 15-minute phone consult with me to see how I might help. Simply click on the BOOK FREE CONSULT button and let’s connect.
