Many clients come to me having just realized they may have been raised by a narcissist. This period of realization can often be overwhelming. It’s a time of discovery and questioning while riding the most winding, scariest emotional roller-coaster ever. I call it “the Awakening”.
Some of the sentiments that come in this period of awakening are:
- I didn’t have the relationship with my mom I thought I did.
- My mom isn’t who I thought she was.
- I don’t know who I am.
- How did I not see what was happening?
- How did others not see what was happening?
- Why didn’t anyone protect me?
- Did I chose this [job, career, relationship, education, house, personal style, etc.] or was I just doing what was expected?
- Does my mother even love me?
These are not “quick fix” type of issues. These are core, existential, pull-the-rug-out-from-under-me issues. And they can be challenging to go through alone.
Each client navigates this awakening differently, but there are some common tasks that are helpful to keep in mind:
Go slow
Realizing that life as you know it didn’t or doesn’t exist in the same way can be jarring. You may want to rush in to uncover everything. But be sure to take pauses along the way. Stop to check in with yourself. How are you feeling? Where do you feel it in your body? Use tools to help you stay grounded.
Be kind and gentle with yourself
As you uncover the truths behind the lies, remember you are experiencing this awakening for the first time. It is not your fault. You didn’t know. You couldn’t have prevented it. Now is the time to show yourself the compassion you wish you had all along but didn’t get. Now is the time to embrace the part of you that didn’t get the love you needed and deserved. Now is the time to give yourself what you need that you didn’t get from your mom.
Get support
Now that you are awakening, it may be difficult to carry on in the same way. You may find relationships shifting (not just with your mom). Identify the people you can trust who are truly supportive. These are people you feel safe talking to and sharing your feelings with without fear they will use it against you. You may also find it helpful to look for support from a professional as you navigate this challenging time.
If you are a woman living in Arizona who is interested in exploring how individual or group therapy can help support you in your recovery, please book a consult and let’s chat.
