In a world often defined by its demands for strength, composure, and invulnerability, the idea of willingly exposing our innermost selves might seem counterintuitive. But stick with me; for understanding vulnerability may just lead you to the genuine human connection, healing, and personal growth most of us long for.
Vulnerability is a multifaceted and profound aspect of human existence. At its core, vulnerability represents the willingness and capacity to expose your innermost thoughts, emotions, and fears to others, even when uncertainty, risk, or the potential for emotional pain exists. Well, that sounds fun, right? Gulp.
Don’t fret. In this article, we’ll explore the components of vulnerability and how to practice it.
The Core of Vulnerability
Now let’s turn to some key components of vulnerability. These are the trials we need to walk through to get to the better connection, healing, and freedom.
Courage in Vulnerability
Vulnerability takes courage. Let’s get real. Opening yourself up to others is scary and uncomfortable. You risk the possibility of judgment and rejection. And who wants that? It takes tremendous inner strength to be open knowing what could happen. In fact, doing things despite our fear often leads to a heightened sense of pride, accomplishment, and emotional freedom.
Emotional Honesty
Embracing vulnerability is all about emotional honesty. It’s the art of baring your soul, allowing your true feelings to surface, and speaking your innermost truths without filters or masks. Vulnerability calls for a raw and unguarded expression of your inner world, even when it feels uncomfortable or exposes your most profound emotions.
Trust and Intimacy
At its heart, vulnerability is the cornerstone of trust and intimacy in relationships. It’s the key that unlocks the door to deeper connections with others. When you allow yourself to be vulnerable, you communicate that you trust the other person enough to share your authentic self. It’s a mutual exchange of emotional openness that forms the bedrock of genuine connection and closeness. In fact, when there is a reciprocal exchange of vulnerability, people often relay feeling even closer to the other person.
Embracing Imperfection
Vulnerability is an ode to imperfection. It’s the recognition that none of us are flawless, and that’s perfectly okay. When you embrace vulnerability, you acknowledge and accept your own imperfections, knowing that they are an integral part of your humanity. It’s a celebration of the beautiful messiness that makes you uniquely you.
Embracing Imperfection
Practicing vulnerability is, in essence, an act of self-compassion. It means treating yourself with kindness and understanding, especially when you make yourself emotionally exposed. It’s about being gentle with your own heart, recognizing that vulnerability is a brave and compassionate choice you make for your own growth and connection with others.
How to be Vulnerable
Once you are entertaining the idea of being courageous, honest, trusting, intimate, imperfect, and self-compassionate, now what? Here are some ways to prepare yourself to be vulnerable and move through the inevitable discomfort of doing so.
Focus on feelings
Before you dive into vulnerability, focus on how you want to feel and how you want the other person to feel. This is an important yet often forgotten step. Typically people go straight to what they want to say. But intention matters. I’m going to guess that the reason you feel the need to be vulnerable with someone is more about repairing a relationship than it is about tearing it apart. You want to focus on the love and care you have for the other person. Take time to think about that. And take more time to feel that in your body. It can really help shift your perspective and guide the way you think, speak, and act when you communicate with others.
Gather your thoughts
Once you get connected to the feels, it’s time to think about what you want to say. Not so much the exact words, but the general ideas. Think in bullet points. You may want to write these down so you don’t forget. Focus on what you’d like to communicate about your feelings, experiences, and desire for change.
Settle your nerves
Being vulnerable often brings up some anxiety. It’s helpful to have some strategies in place to calm yourself before and during your vulnerability conversation. Deep breathing is a good start. You can take that further with these steps:
- Notice where in your body you feel anxious, unsettled, or tense
- Imagine your breath on the inhale going to one of those places in your body
- As you exhale, imagine your breath carrying those sensations out of your body
As with anything, vulnerability takes practice. The more you do it, the easier it becomes. Remember, there is often no reward without risk. And vulnerability is often a risk worth taking to get to the other side of deeper connections and healing.
NOTE: If you are in a relationship with someone exhibiting toxic traits, such as manipulation, coercion, or gaslighting, there are different rules around vulnerability so that you don’t open yourself up to more abuse.
If you need support with vulnerability, I’d be happy to provide a consult to see how I might be able to help. You can book that here. For those living in Arizona, I offer individual and group counseling. For those living anywhere, I provide educational, supportive, and experiential wellness services.
